I had my big birthday celebration on Sunday even though technically my birthday is tomorrow. I chose not to have any expectations and it is a good thing because things didn't go as planned but ended up working out anyway.
Some people I thought would be there were not. One friend said she didn't have and desire to take a boat ride or eat at the restaurant that was selected. I get this she is fighting her own demons right now and joining such a big group for an evening was emotionally too much to handle.
I remember at my lowest point telling my friend I would rather go to the gym than come to her house for Christmas dinner. What I meant was that I was in such a bad place I wasn't able to be sociable and would ruin it for everyone.
Accepting people where they are is really the only option. It use to make me so mad when people couldn't just do the right thing and get their act together. I remember when I use to try to manage the unmanageable and waiting around for those who were never on time or always had some last minute crisis. This is usually the Al-Anon managing someone else is life.
I have boundaries that work for me now. If a time is set and everyone agrees to be there and someone is late we just start without them. This keeps the resentments down and keeps the passive aggressive stance at bay. With my birthday the boat sailed at 4:30 and miraculously everyone that wanted to be there was. Even though we did have a last minute sprinter on the dock.
We had another person decide they would just stay ashore and no one tried to talk them into going with us. It is nice when our happiness doesn't depend on convincing someone else to do what we think will make them happy. It isn't our business the business of other people no matter if we do know what is best for them.
We did have a last minute change of restaurants which was a disappointment to the serious drinkers who had rented a room near the original location. They only served beer and wine where we ate which kept everyone more low key. I remember the days when I use to do this on purpose. Try to think how the drinker might be thinking. Now let the chips fall where they may.
It use to be hard not to try to accommodate every one's special needs. In Al-Anon we do learn that the no one should be the center of our universe not even ourselves. When your addicted to something or someone in the case of a true Al-Anon you lose sight of reality pretty quickly. Everything revolves around the substance or the person abusing the substance.
We had fun and went our separate ways around 9:30 and it felt good to be with the people that wanted to be with me.