I didn't sleep well last night the events of the day with my friend kept waking me up. It wasn't like we spoke with the world of email and text you can have an entire relationship without so much as one spoken word.
I am old school with my need for direct contact with people. The tone of a voice can say so much more than words on a screen. With email sometimes it seem like someone is screaming especially if they like to us caps for righting.
In my sleepless night last I turned on my favorite preacher. I have them all recorded and I just pick one at random and it usually fits my current state of mind. The message was restoration.
He said to ask God to restore what has be lost. He said God doesn't care whose fault it is and can miraculously restore anything no matter how remote of a possibility it is at this point.
My life is being restored right now without my help. It made me realize how it isn't my responsibility to do the restoration if I can just see that.
He said to think past my own capabilities because if we could do everything ourselves then why would we need God.
My life needs to change. I can't live the way I have been living with all this anxiety about supporting myself.
Luckily the economy is better and things are picking up. People that I haven't heard from in a long time are calling me back.
When I was younger it seemed easier to let go and let god. I don't know why maybe I was just too busy to think much about the future and figured I had plenty of time to get things right.
So today I am just thinking restoration. Restoring myself to a healthier spiritual place.