Monday, February 25, 2013

Embers - Home Alone - God Box
I had a busy week full of people last week and for an introvert this can really be draining so I stayed home alone yesterday to give my batteries a charge. Not one word spoken to anyone from Saturday night until this morning.

I can's say it wasn't a little challenging come Sunday night.  In fact Saturday night I thought I could veg in front of the TV but I couldn't. Too many years of being depressed and immobile makes doing that less appealing these days.

I got up and decided to do some mindful chores. While dusting I discovered my God Box it isn't really a God Box because it is a gourd taped shut. For those who don't know what a God Box is it is a box that you put problems or desires into representing turning them over to a higher power.

A real God Box can't be opened. Once you write you problem or desire on a piece of paper you put it in the box and you can't take it back. I have one that a wood working friend gave me but I had already started using the gourd.

Of course I opened it and read the tiny slips of paper. When I read them I thought back on how desperate I had been during those times. How everything I thought would be permanent in my life was ripped away. I met someone during that time who I thought might save me from the tidal wave of emotion heading my way, but it wasn't meant to be the timing was bad and I was crazy and crazy attracts crazy at least that is my experience.

I am not that person anymore. When I saw a friend of mine that is a spiritual healer a few weeks ago and she took one look at me and said you are empty and have rid yourself of your past. I already knew this. I have moved on in so many ways. I feel good unless I start wondering what to do with the rest of my life. I have spent so much of my life recovering from my past it feels strange to let that go.

I always thought I needed to remember where I have been but keeping the memories kept the pain alive. The hurt child is all grown up realizing that I was the one still torturing myself. When I think about the person I use to be it feels like my old relationships like they never happened some distant dream involving strangers.

I decided to burn those pieces of paper with my problems and even the ones with my dreams. I don't have the same dreams anymore. One by one they turned into little tiny glowing embers setting me free from the past and opening my life up for something more.


  1. mmm, yes, we do need to get rid of things lest there is no place for our new things...

  2. Thanks for commenting on my blog. I love to get new readers and assume that you might have come my way via Syd. I am an alcoholic but started reading his Alanon blog years ago and we've become good blogger friends.
    I had a really hard time getting rid of the past, just like you, but as long as I stayed positive and did the "next right thing" the past faded away and it's so much nicer now. I'm sure it will be the same for you.