This week a lot has happened. Our manager who was managing two departments neither one too well, I have to add, was directed towards the one department he loves not ours. I heard him tell one of the sales people today that the other job was an 18 hour a day job and he always felt guilty that he wasn't spending time with us. Strangely he didn't willingly give up one of the positions.
Why do we do this? Why do we take on more than we can possibly handle and can't admit it. I was thinking about this today and thinking about why I do it. I have done it all my life I prided myself on never saying no to anyone that needed something accomplished.
Sometimes in sales it it greed. Your plate is full and you are worried that in a week it will all disappear. I have really been practicing that a lot this past month. Grabbing and holding on to everything that crossed my desk and then watching it all slip away because I couldn't handle it.
When I am running too fast and have left my spiritual self in the dust I live from a place of lack. Even though I haven't been hungry since my early twenties and I have never slept in my car because I didn't have a roof over my head. but this is what I still worry about.
Even if there is a greed factor there is something more to not being able to say no. It is a need to please or, for me, a need to prove my worth to my employers. "See you can't live without me I am your best employee" I hate to say it but employers love this kind of employee until they just can't manage and the bottom falls out. The employee of the year starts unraveling and collapses in the middle of the office.
Most of my Al-Anon friends are all like this it would take minimum of three people to replace any of us on the job. We want to prove we are carrying our weight and this make us feel valuable. The more valuable we are the more liked and loved we will be and we can feel superior to everyone else.
I am looking at this belief that has sustained me my whole life. The work ethic that I have bragged about and expected from others. I decided to try to let go of this idea that it is my effort that brings me success and consider that if I trust my higher power that I will be provided for and live more peaceful life.
I will do my share and no more. Last week I actually gave away a customer and today when the other sales person told me that it was a big job I hardly flinched. Hey you have to give me credit I am new at this.
It is hard for some of us to admit when we can't do something just like my ex-boss. We all want to think we can be Superman but we are better off admitting we aren't or we might just end up a greasy spot on the sidewalk when we fall from the sky.