Thursday, June 5, 2014

Thinking - 9 months

So I have been thinking a lot these past few weeks about my life and where I am going and what I am going to do with the rest of it.  It is a luxury I know.  I am single with no one to support but myself and I have regained the confidence to do just that over the past 9 months.  Yes I can't believe it either it has been 9 months since I started my new job.

The job is going well not spectacular in the money department but well in that I can do it well enough to support myself.  This week I have had some extreme ups and downs.  At the beginning of the week I saw two kitchens where the owners were ecstatic over the results of their kitchen makeovers. Once said it was more than they could possibly imagined.  How nice for me and them.

Today I feel restless maybe because I am starting to get my job under control and the fog of being new is lifting. Today I opted to work at home but that ended up with me avoiding working at all cost. I have worked a lot these past 9 months and think that maybe I am just worn out and need some time off.

Of course time off in a full commission based job is a risk.  It means that for however many days you take off you will have a vacancy in the money flow some where down the line.  Which is a little scary for us sales people this is why we never take off.

I feel really guilty when I have a day like today. So guilty that I don't actually enjoy doing nothing and I am afraid to even look at my phone for fear of seeing an unknown phone number that could be some customer looking for me.

Will I ever be satisfied to be human. I think my faults are exclusive to me that no one else ever just gets tired of their life as it is and checks out for a few days.  I feel guilty because I know for the most part I have enjoyed the jobs I have had and the career choices I have made. I like what I do most of the time but occasionally I would like to just get away from me for a few days or maybe a week.

Leave me behind the one striving to be more or sometimes the me striving to be less. A place I could commune with others and share mundane chores and laugh. This is what I am missing in my life a since of a safe place to let my hair down and feel free. Any one know a place like that?

At the end of 9 months there is usually a birth of some sort so I guess I will just have to wait and see.

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