Jumping to conclusions -Teeny tiny task and dogs

I went outside this morning and everything was wet. My first thought was oh no I left the sprinklers on automatic and I have water the grass on the wrong day. But after I stepped back and looked around I realized it had rained.

That is always the way for me. When I first look at a situation I jump to conclusions and usually think I have made a mistake. If I don't react and take a moment to look around I might see something totally different.

Why is it we always assume we screwed up instead of assuming we didn't and waiting for that to be proved wrong.

I didn't sleep much last night. I am keeping my friends dog while he is on vacation. I don't think it was her although she was sleeping in the bed with me. I have never done this with my own dogs but I know that is her normal routine so I made and exception. She slept like a log, whatever that means.

I am busy at work and at home and next week looks even busier. I finished the upstairs yesterday and got over the gloom of the past. When I look at what needs to be done in my house I wonder if I made a mistake staying in this business. I really need extra funds to repair things around the house.

My horoscope says I am experiencing a lot of doubt these days and I should keep it to myself. It is unfounded and like the wind is just blowing through. I will keep that in mind with the real world. Not that you guys are not real, you know what mean.

When I left the house this morning the dog was howling in her grate. If I wasn't familiar with dogs I would have been in a panic. I did for one second think about bringing her to the showroom, so it almost worked. She small and I will probably be alone most of the day. But I didn't give in.

I did go back into the house and told her that she had to stop and that it wasn't going to work and that she was just going to make herself sick. When I left the house was silent. She can make it for a few hours and I am off the next two days.

That it for today I am going to focus on the many teeny tiny task I have to get done today. Have a fine weekend, unless you have other plans.

Life and Death

My mood is flat today. I have spent the last three hours with an unexpected customer appointment. I did have plans to meet my sponsor for lunch and use this day to work on small bits of unfinished work but the powers at be thought otherwise.

It is my partners day to cover the showroom and she had an appointment off site at the end of the day. Her appointment moved to lunch time so she had to leave. So much for planning the day.

My dog is close to the end I think. She is not eating much and is sleeping a lot. This has happened before and she has bounced back. She doesn't really know me anymore. It is sad but she is 18 and I have given her the best life possible. I make her meals with fresh ingredients and have loved her as my own for the past 8 years.

She has the personality of my Aunt her original owner. Independent and not too affectionate. My Aunt found her on the street with heart worms and ear infections. When she died I didn't want to take in an old dog. I had just put my dog of 17 years a sleep and the vet told me this dog had at best 6 months.

The dog was unfriendly and barked at me when I visited my aunt. She was really gross back then because my aunt was losing it and refused to have her groomed properly. She also was an outside dog had terrible skin problems and ear infections.

I caved and brought her home. It took me two years to get her ears cleared up and I was told to give her Benadryl for her skin. The first night I did that she ran around the house like the roadrunner. News flash she was allergic to Benadyl and she had been giving it to her everyday for five years.

She won me over pretty quick. She has the loudest bark for a 30 lb dog that I have ever heard. She has never been too affectionate maybe from the years outside or from being a stray, I don't know. She showed her love by eventually following me from room to room.

We have never connected the way I did with my previous dog. I guess we both have trust issues. We have a quiet understanding an appreciation for each other. When I moved she was so happy she probably could sense that I was unhappy in that relationship.

I miss the days when she was healthy and would watch lizards for hours sitting in one place. She caught a baby one once and from that point on she checked the same spot everyday.

It is time. It feels like she has been waiting for me to be alright. Without the depression I can handle the idea of losing one more thing a little better. I think animals can sense when you need them. I am sad but sad in an appropriate way. This sadness is not despair it is out of respect for the ending of a life. The tears are out of respect for what she has given me.

Of course I don't regret taking her in now or making fresh food for her. The diet cleared up her skin permanently. Side note she beat the heart worms without treatment.

Every life comes to an end it is part of the plan. Who knows I could be wrong she might make a come back she is pretty tough.

Boundaries and Cookies

It is really cold here today and windy. We don't have the best heat here in the south so it feels especially cold and the wind is actually howling. We are pretty wussy down here if it drops below 60 and tonight it will be in the 20's. We make up for it by enduring the sweltering summer heat and 100% humidity with little complaining, OK maybe more than just a little. I put some of my plants in the garage but decided the ones on the lower deck are on their own.

I am taking care of my neighbors dogs this week while they are on a trip. They seem to travel a lot even with two year old twins and a 5 year old. They are of hardy stock and pretty organized. Somebody in the family has a timeshare that they regularly go to. They use to call me at the last minute until one time I said I couldn't handle nine days. Since then they give me more notice.

I have trouble with boundaries and so do they. When I first moved in his dad was really sick and they had to leave suddenly so I volunteered. Then it became a pretty regular thing and an assumption was made that I would always be available. I really didn't mind until I was already over loaded and I got that call. I didn't answer right away, I felt ugh in my stomach, I was already overbooked and running from yet another bout of grief and or depression so I compromised and said to find someone else for the weekends. So they did and now they give me more notice.

This time it is different and I feel great. I stopped running so fast and let whatever grief or depression that was left catch up with me in August, to my surprise it didn't kill me. It held me down for a few weeks and stomped on me but then I got up and brushed myself off and said "is that all you got?" and went on to sort out the mess I had made while running. I started slowing addressing those things I had ignored while being under water emotionally.

I actually love those dogs. They are a sharp contrast from my own blind and deaf dog. I love her even though she only acknowledges me at meal time. At 18 that is pretty good. When we moved here three years ago she was like a new dog. I think she was relieved to get away from a stressful situation or maybe that was me. She is a tough dog and still fights me when I give her a bath. I can hear her in there snoring now.

Life is good today. I temporarily repaired the water bed so I can sleep in my cocoon during these cold nights. I ran four miles on the treadmill and then went to a friends house for dinner and ate six miles worth of cookies and now I am home in my not so toasty house. All is well.