Thursday, October 8, 2009

Step One-The first time

Step One- We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives have become unmanageable.

I came to my first Al-Anon meeting through the recommendation of my counselor I didn’t really even know that I was fighting the disease of alcoholism. All I knew was my husband had left me after 9 years of marriage and I had to do something about it. When she brought up the possibility that alcohol played a part in my situation I didn’t really believe her. The alcoholics of my childhood didn’t have jobs. Sure he drank but so did all his friends and they were happily married. At this point I thought I was not powerless and if I could figure out what it was that he needed I could fix it. So I started scheming I tried everything you can imagine and to my surprise nothing worked. He would reach out to me sometimes and this would give me hope but when I reached out to him he wasn’t interested. This made me crazy and I would like to say I gave up and ran to Al-Anon and embraced the 12 steps, but I wasn’t powerless yet. Alcoholism was so final and I wanted proof so I tested the theory. I would have him meet me at restaurants that didn’t serve alcohol and study him. He was noticeably agitated and would say this place would be great if they served beer. The last of these meetings he said I know you’re mad, why don’t you just punch me. You heard right. I have never punched anyone before or since but took him up on it. I knocked the wind out of him and I am a small women and he was a big man. My life had become unmanageable and I knew it.

I did eventually attend that first meeting. As you can tell from the story above it is clear that by the time I got there I couldn’t deny that I was powerless and that my life had become unmanageable. I was spiritually bankrupt and the ups and downs of dealing with the effects of alcoholism had taken its toll on me. I don’t really know if whether my ex-husband was or is an alcoholic but, I do know he was an adult child of an alcoholic and that alcohol had affected our lives. This was my first experience with the Step One but not my last.

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