Friday, October 16, 2009


Home alone today. I gave myself the day off today. This isn't an easy decision for me. Being alone with my thoughts can work against me but I am feeling stronger today. After last weeks dip it has taken me this long to have to courage to write. I haven't shared my blog with anyone I know yet. This is my own insecurity that I might not measure up so I have stayed anonymous. There is nothing that my friends from the program do not know about me. But somehow this seem different. Feeling safe to share my inner most thoughts and feeling with people I trust is part of my recovery. After being shut down emotionally for so many years having the courage to put myself out there is still an on going challenge. When I go to meetings and hear other people being so honest about where they are in their recovery it makes me realize that I am not alone. There is comfort in knowing that we are all on the same journey and looking for acceptance and comfort along the way.

Last night during a meeting someone said that they realized that however they were feeling wouldn't last forever. Good or bad this too shall pass. My life has radically changed over the past two years and I have had to face a lot of uncertainty and the fear that goes along with that. These feelings have overwhelmed sometimes to a point that I felt paralyzed with depression. In the past few months I have felt like I have just awakened from a coma. I am still trying to figure what happened in my absence and accepting that this is my new life. I wouldn't go back if I could but a clean slate can be daunting. Hearing that this too shall pass gave me the comfort I needed to face another day. Life is always changing and we never stay in the same place for long.

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