Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Working towards Gratitude

Yesterday I spent the day pulling carpet from my basement. This was no easy task given that it was glued down with industrial glue. This is when my character defect of stubbornness comes in handy. I dug in and now have a carpet free basement.

This was quite an accomplishment I realize now that I have been depressed and grieving for a long time. Before even the idea of emptying the dishwasher seemed like a monumental task.

While I was working I had my IPOD on with all my favorite songs past and present. Music has always been a part of my recovery and every song took me back to certain time in my life. Over the past year there have been times that I could not even listen to music. I had a chanting CD but even that would put me on edge.

Yesterday I was able to listen to a think about my past without emotion. I am grateful and feel like I have turned an emotional corner. In the past I always relied on chores to push down my emotions. This period of grief was different and there was no escaping the pain and I had to wait until it passed. Having the emotional and physical energy to accomplish yesterday’s task made me realize that God is restoring me to sanity.

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