Saturday, October 22, 2011
Everything is coming together
I like this time of year. I will miss the daylight as the days get shorter but I always feel energized by the changes in weather. I don't feel guilty for staying in and tackling long over due chores.
I started today with an early customer appointment before opening the showroom. I had another appointment scheduled for noon that I knew was going to be a handful. I called the owner and ask him if he could come in for a few hours as back up. He agreed.
When he arrived we did a little catching up and I told him that I missed our long spiritual talks. I also told him that I was much more productive without all the jawing. Truthfully there is no way I could have kept up with the work load and entertained him like I use to.
We are a like in many ways and sometimes that scares me. He has worked hard most his life and I think is finally happy to turn the business over to someone. He will be 80in a couple of weeks. I hope I will not be working until I am 80. I want to have a more balanced life.
He told me he got a call from a woman he has been helping on an off throughout the years. She is in and out of AA and rehab her husband the same. He had a stroke a few years ago and is in a wheelchair. She called him recently to say she is having terrible dreams about demons and ask him to take her confession and pray for her. He did and then told her to go back to AA.
I told him I didn't know if I believed in demons but I do believe in negative thoughts and the energy that goes along with them. It seems to me that every time I am about to have an spiritual breakthrough I go as low as I can go.
The day on the porch when my depression lifted. The voice said to me you are doing this to yourself. An inner battle between total freedom and wanting my life to be over. Is it that simple? Is it chemical? Something inside of me did not want to let go of the pain even if it meant my life was over. Is this a spiritual battle with ones own ego. The self with the self or something else.
I was telling him this story and my eyes filled with tears. Recalling the grace I felt that day which seems like a million years ago now, even though only a few months. I chose life that day on the porch a spiritual awakening that saved my life. The god of my understanding freeing me from the hell my own thoughts had created.
Since that day everything has been flowing in my direction. The universe is conspiring to fulfill all my dreams. Work is busy and two of my friends that are designers have called me and want to come work with me. I talked it over with my partner and she seems open to it.
The owner is happy being at home watching football and coming to the rescue when we need him. It all seems to be coming together for us. I feel it took letting go to finally get it. I am free today and enjoying every minute of it.