Friday, February 20, 2015

Taking a moment

I decided to take things a little easier this week sleeping a little later working closer to 40 hours. It felt a little bit like a vacation and I am planning to continue that theme since I am off this weekend. 

This week has been cold for the deep south.  My heat is running continuously. This is a luxury that I couldn't afford in years past and for that I am grateful. I didn't run it no matter how cold it got I would just huddle in my room under the covers with a space heater. 

Since it has turned cold I have been extremely achy at night, I finally realized the heater in my water bed had died. I know how retro is that a water bed but I love it. It is a soft side so you can't tell and is very relaxing. It stayed cool during those hot flash years and it is usually keeps me warm and toasty in the winter. 

I ordered a new heater and it was delivered a few days ago. When I was retrieving the package from the porch a bird flew into the house. I couldn't get it out. It was late and cold and I left the door open with the porch light as long as I could hoping he would go back out. It was in the 30s that night and I gave up figuring he was thinking that indoors was the better choice.

The first day he was here he flew around and was hanging out in some gourds I have on a high shelf but yesterday I couldn't find him. I know what your thinking but I am staying in denial I have lots of experience with that. I am saying that he escaped somehow. I do have a hole at the ceiling where the fan is connected. I hope he got away he could still be in the gourd. So sad.

I thought maybe the bird was a visiting relative or maybe a sign from my mother. I know it is crazy but I like thinking that life is more than what we see. Taking the world a face value is so boring why can't there be more why do we have to explain everything put limits on the possibilities? This is the problem with a active creative mind life as it is is never enough. 

I always want there to be more. I look around and everyone seems pretty satisfied with the way things are and there I am thinking is this all there is? I think sometimes it is a lack a maturity on my part the child in me feels that I should be exempt from the mundane. 

I use to fill my time with task. You could give me a to list and keep me occupied for days even weeks even years. It seems that now, because I living less in my head, I don't enjoy the busy work. Before doing chores gave me time to think. My mind was always obsessed about something or someone the latest crisis and chores could mask this obsessing and I could feel productive and nobody knew about my obsessing.

Today it is not enough. My mind is quiet and wants enrichment not just to something to kill time. I am going to spend some time this weekend thinking about how to make my life fuller. More thinking involved how ironic.  

1 comment:

  1. There is more. I don't, can't believe that what we see is all there is. The is another dimension out there, even if it's name is fantasy. My inner child tells me so *grin*