You know you are only ready when you are ready. I spent the the day going through boxes and getting rid of things. It started this morning after I took a ride on my recently resurrected beach bike. I guess the exercise gave me the energy boost I needed to tackle a few other things.
I usually have to trick myself into tackling all day projects. I do this by committing to some small project and then letting it morph into something that takes all day and today it was no different. Today I decided to change the lock on the basement door. I bought a new lock a few weeks ago after my key kept getting stuck. It was the last of the polished brass knobs left in the house.
I had to kill a fat spider living in the hole where the latch is received. After the death of the spider I quickly finished the installation and was admiring my work when I started looking around. Everything there was covered with dust and spider webs and smelled of mold.
I remembered having such dreams for the this house. I imagined all the great things that would happen here. So many possibilities I had dreams of sharing it with someone. I thought at least it would be filled with friends. I couldn't know what was headed my way or that I would have to create another dream for myself.
Today I decided to clean up the basement. I went through most of the boxes that have been storage there since my roommate move in an then out. I haven't been able to get rid of anything from the past because I wasn't sure who I would become or if the person who liked those things would appear again some day and want her stuff.
I am getting the idea now that she is gone forever. She really did like crafts. Candle making, glass tile mosaics, printing and even a box of stencils with brushes and paints.
I also found boxes of dishes my aunt gave me. I was in my late 20's when she offered me the dishes with tiny pink roses on them. The edges had are silver plated. They had some chips but I thought they were beautiful and since she was never too generous in life I was thrilled she would give them to me. It made me feel special.
I cherished all things that represented family to me. I had lost mine and was looking to surround myself with anything that belonged to my family. After my grandmother died I had a house full of her furniture including a piano.
Over the years I have let go of most of those things including the piano. I didn't realize I still had those dishes. I thought "what girl would think those dishes were to be cherished?" I think girl is the operative word here. I have been a girl most of my life looking for something I had lost.
At least now I know I am not a girl anymore. I also know now that none of these physical things can satisfy me. I am not interested in crafts anymore but I still interested in transformations of any kind.
I have transformed myself and my house many times. I also make a living transforming the spaces of other people. I feel pretty satisfied with my life today and feel good about letting go of the the girl I use to be one box at at time.