Sometimes when you have too much information about another person it can skew your views on a particular situation. You can read too much into what is going on and the motives of that person.
If you just met them you wouldn't have this underlying suspicion. Someone told me not too long ago that I was too trusting. I guess for me over the years I have wasted so much time thinking I knew what another person was going to do. When I was right it reinforced this idea I had special powers. When I was wrong I would dismiss it as a fluke. This is a trap that keeps you coming back for more.
I have been working with a cabinet builder that leases our building with us. He bought the business from our owner over 20 years ago. There has been some bad blood over the years between the two businesses. Since I started managing things I have be rebuilding this relationship. We have been doing a lot of small custom jobs and he has been building the cabinets for us. I thought that it seems like a no brainer when he shares our space.
He brought me a customer to design for and sell cabinetry to and I have been working with them for months. When they finally settled on a plan I sent them a final number. He met with them without telling me and they told him they were not happy with the overall project price. He offered to build the cabinets for a super low price. Everyone agreed that I should get paid for my time. When he told me yesterday I knew I would need some time to process what just happen.
I woke up after having a nightmare that he was attacking me. I did feel like he threw me under the bus. At four am I started reading to quiet my mind and meditate on why this is bothering me so much. Even though I am going to get paid the same it bothers me how it was handled.
I will have to have a little talk with him to clear the air. I like things to be out on the table and I can put the past behind us if he is upfront with me. This will be my terms for working together to save this marriage.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
I woke up with fear - yogi talk
This morning I woke up with a sense of dread. Nothing I could really put my finger on exactly but there it was. I put on some music and said some prayers while getting dressed.
I tried to analyze if it was tied to any particular thoughts. The only thing I could think of was that things are going well for the first time in a long time and can I trust that.
In the last five minutes I just lost a job. The good news is they are going to pay me for the time I put into it and that would be equal to my commission. No money for the company though.
Changing the subject I went a gathering last night that included a yogi. He had a lot of wisdom and it seemed he repeated some of the very ideas I have been harping on here.
He said that all addiction is created by stress. That is not a big surprise is it? He also said that we try to balance the stress by using drugs or food or whatever we can to counter act the stress. He said finding balance in ones life was the only way to fight addiction. The imbalance is in our minds and the only way to get rid of it is to live in the present moment.
I am not a worshipper of men. I feel we are all equal and equally fallible. He has a pretty sweet life with people waiting on him 24/7. It is a good gig if you can get it. Someone did ask him who gave him his title of yogi and he said he gave it to himself. He also said he wrote a 12 step book from his perspective 40 years ago.
With that last sentence I thought, does he have personal experience with the 12 steps? It wasn't as well known 40 years ago as it is now and it doesn't really matter. He had some words of wisdom and as always take what you like and leave the rest.
I tried to analyze if it was tied to any particular thoughts. The only thing I could think of was that things are going well for the first time in a long time and can I trust that.
In the last five minutes I just lost a job. The good news is they are going to pay me for the time I put into it and that would be equal to my commission. No money for the company though.
Changing the subject I went a gathering last night that included a yogi. He had a lot of wisdom and it seemed he repeated some of the very ideas I have been harping on here.
He said that all addiction is created by stress. That is not a big surprise is it? He also said that we try to balance the stress by using drugs or food or whatever we can to counter act the stress. He said finding balance in ones life was the only way to fight addiction. The imbalance is in our minds and the only way to get rid of it is to live in the present moment.
I am not a worshipper of men. I feel we are all equal and equally fallible. He has a pretty sweet life with people waiting on him 24/7. It is a good gig if you can get it. Someone did ask him who gave him his title of yogi and he said he gave it to himself. He also said he wrote a 12 step book from his perspective 40 years ago.
With that last sentence I thought, does he have personal experience with the 12 steps? It wasn't as well known 40 years ago as it is now and it doesn't really matter. He had some words of wisdom and as always take what you like and leave the rest.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Broken Glass
I got a call this morning from the other designer. She doesn't work on Saturday but decided to come in today. She said someone threw a big rock through the front window.
I finished getting dressed and headed in. By the time I got here she had cleaned up the mess and made a few calls. I was happy I didn't have to deal with it. We are calling one of our guys to put up plywood over the window.
We are in kind of an industrial area and close to a pretty depressed neighborhood. In 35 years we only had two incidence of vandalism.
Last time the shook up a can of soda and threw it through the window.
We don't have anything of much value here and take our lap tops home at night. We did buy a big screen TV to view designs and that is probably what they saw and probably what got them going.
Kids or drugs and alcohol who knows. Just another day in the office.
I finished getting dressed and headed in. By the time I got here she had cleaned up the mess and made a few calls. I was happy I didn't have to deal with it. We are calling one of our guys to put up plywood over the window.
We are in kind of an industrial area and close to a pretty depressed neighborhood. In 35 years we only had two incidence of vandalism.
Last time the shook up a can of soda and threw it through the window.
We don't have anything of much value here and take our lap tops home at night. We did buy a big screen TV to view designs and that is probably what they saw and probably what got them going.
Kids or drugs and alcohol who knows. Just another day in the office.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Turning towards the light
It was raining cats and dogs when I left my house this morning. We need the rain so I was feeling grateful. With water restrictions my grass looks pretty sad. My mind brought up the fact that when I got to work I would have to get my computer out of the car and it would get wet. Needless worry I thought.
I have a lovely 10 minute drive to work crossing over a small curved bridge. I love the view there sometimes the local college has their rowing team out for practice. On my way home the sun sets in that direction and if my timing is just right the picture is good enough for a post card.
So today just as I crossed that bridge the rain stopped and I was facing the most beautiful light. No worries today.
I have a lovely 10 minute drive to work crossing over a small curved bridge. I love the view there sometimes the local college has their rowing team out for practice. On my way home the sun sets in that direction and if my timing is just right the picture is good enough for a post card.
So today just as I crossed that bridge the rain stopped and I was facing the most beautiful light. No worries today.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Wait and see or Plan B
I am happily working many hours and doing many creative projects including my own house at the same time. I am running on all cylinders these days.
A friend of mine took me out for an early birthday dinner last night. Locally they are doing dinners at upscale restaurants for $25.00 a charity fundraiser. It is a set three course menu. We enjoyed a lovely dinner at one of the oldest restaurants in town. What a treat.
We talked about how much time in the past we have spent preparing for disasters that didn't happen. She has a trip planned for New Zealand and will be gone for a month. Her husband is suppose to go but his health has not been that great. Her daughter gave her the advice that she should plan to have someone else go or meet her. She replied that she would just wait and see. A lot can happen between now and November.
I remember before the program how when I was managing my life and the life of others I would never just be happy with what was I had to think of every way things could go wrong and have a plan B and C and D.
When I traveled I would take every kind of medication imaginable just in case I got sick. The fact is I never get sick and when I do I usually get by with some easily obtainable medication. I always knew something would spoil my fun.
What a waste of time preparing for the unknown. My imagination can really get the best of me thinking the worse case scenario. What about the best case scenario isn't that just as likely? Can I put the same amount of effort into thinking about how may ways something can go right? It seems that fear is always just below the surface.
The other designer just reminded me of this. I booked a trip for work that come back to here at 11:00 pm she said that was a mistake that it will run 2 hours late. I said that has never happened to me I guess I will have to wait and see.
A friend of mine took me out for an early birthday dinner last night. Locally they are doing dinners at upscale restaurants for $25.00 a charity fundraiser. It is a set three course menu. We enjoyed a lovely dinner at one of the oldest restaurants in town. What a treat.
We talked about how much time in the past we have spent preparing for disasters that didn't happen. She has a trip planned for New Zealand and will be gone for a month. Her husband is suppose to go but his health has not been that great. Her daughter gave her the advice that she should plan to have someone else go or meet her. She replied that she would just wait and see. A lot can happen between now and November.
I remember before the program how when I was managing my life and the life of others I would never just be happy with what was I had to think of every way things could go wrong and have a plan B and C and D.
When I traveled I would take every kind of medication imaginable just in case I got sick. The fact is I never get sick and when I do I usually get by with some easily obtainable medication. I always knew something would spoil my fun.
What a waste of time preparing for the unknown. My imagination can really get the best of me thinking the worse case scenario. What about the best case scenario isn't that just as likely? Can I put the same amount of effort into thinking about how may ways something can go right? It seems that fear is always just below the surface.
The other designer just reminded me of this. I booked a trip for work that come back to here at 11:00 pm she said that was a mistake that it will run 2 hours late. I said that has never happened to me I guess I will have to wait and see.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Perspective - I can change mine if I want
Why is it that when you don't like the way things are you tend to focus on the shortcomings of others. What other people are not doing that you think they should.
I got to the office today and it is a real mess. It is not like it is a surprise to me because I was the last one here Saturday night. So unless angels came in on the Lord's special day I shouldn't expect things to look different.
Living my life through my own special glasses has kept me from seeing and accepting things as they are. The hope that magically they will be different is the real problem. When I choose to take them off then I have to adjust to reality, again even this is another version of my own reality.
The truth is I didn't have a totally restful nights sleep and I woke up with a little pain in my right hip. Nothing mysterious my gait is off and I did a lot of work around the house yesterday barefooted and aggravated it. It is already better.
Speaking of perspective while cleaning yesterday I got a painting out that I did 20 years ago. It was wrapped in paper from the move four years ago. I never liked it much. I painted in a class setting and it is of a swamp with blue herons. I took it out and propped it up in my studio. A friend came over for dinner and saw it and said I love this, who painted it? Obviously not my style. I made my confession and we finished dinner.
After dinner I asked him if he really liked it and he said yes. I asked him if he would he like to have it and he was really thrilled. A belated birthday present and a big step for me, letting go of my past even if it is something I don't like.
I am better now that I have written these words and vacuumed the showroom. Everything in my world is just as it should be and the only thing that needs changing is my perspective.
I got to the office today and it is a real mess. It is not like it is a surprise to me because I was the last one here Saturday night. So unless angels came in on the Lord's special day I shouldn't expect things to look different.
Living my life through my own special glasses has kept me from seeing and accepting things as they are. The hope that magically they will be different is the real problem. When I choose to take them off then I have to adjust to reality, again even this is another version of my own reality.
The truth is I didn't have a totally restful nights sleep and I woke up with a little pain in my right hip. Nothing mysterious my gait is off and I did a lot of work around the house yesterday barefooted and aggravated it. It is already better.
Speaking of perspective while cleaning yesterday I got a painting out that I did 20 years ago. It was wrapped in paper from the move four years ago. I never liked it much. I painted in a class setting and it is of a swamp with blue herons. I took it out and propped it up in my studio. A friend came over for dinner and saw it and said I love this, who painted it? Obviously not my style. I made my confession and we finished dinner.
After dinner I asked him if he really liked it and he said yes. I asked him if he would he like to have it and he was really thrilled. A belated birthday present and a big step for me, letting go of my past even if it is something I don't like.
I am better now that I have written these words and vacuumed the showroom. Everything in my world is just as it should be and the only thing that needs changing is my perspective.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
The Message - Alway being present
I got home late last night and turned on the TV just as Oprah said "I am so happy you made a decision to step out of the pain of the past and live in present with all it's possibilities".
This keeps popping up everywhere for me. She was interviewing a boy who 13 years ago had parents that chained him up in the closet for extended periods of time. This had been going on for years. He was six when his older sister ran away and told the police. A case worker went to the house and saw no evidence that anything was wrong.
The police officer that heard the sister's story felt there was too many details for the story not be true. He required the parents to come an pick the daughter up and while they were there talked to the boy. He covered for his dad until the officer sad you dad wants you to tell me everything and he did.
He is an adult now and seemed to be Ok despite the years of abuse. Another woman on the show saw that story 13 years ago as a child and had the courage to tell someone her step father was abusing her. She said his story saved her life.
The message for me was that it is possible to overcome anything. He will be changed forever but he has decided to not let the pain of his past control his life now.
This keeps popping up everywhere for me. She was interviewing a boy who 13 years ago had parents that chained him up in the closet for extended periods of time. This had been going on for years. He was six when his older sister ran away and told the police. A case worker went to the house and saw no evidence that anything was wrong.
The police officer that heard the sister's story felt there was too many details for the story not be true. He required the parents to come an pick the daughter up and while they were there talked to the boy. He covered for his dad until the officer sad you dad wants you to tell me everything and he did.
He is an adult now and seemed to be Ok despite the years of abuse. Another woman on the show saw that story 13 years ago as a child and had the courage to tell someone her step father was abusing her. She said his story saved her life.
The message for me was that it is possible to overcome anything. He will be changed forever but he has decided to not let the pain of his past control his life now.
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