Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Can this marriage be saved? Motives

Sometimes when you have too much information about another person it can skew your views on a particular situation. You can read too much into what is going on and the motives of that person.

If you just met them you wouldn't have this underlying suspicion. Someone told me not too long ago that I was too trusting. I guess for me over the years I have wasted so much time thinking I knew what another person was going to do. When I was right it reinforced this idea I had special powers. When I was wrong I would dismiss it as a fluke. This is a trap that keeps you coming back for more.

I have been working with a cabinet builder that leases our building with us. He bought the business from our owner over 20 years ago. There has been some bad blood over the years between the two businesses. Since I started managing things I have be rebuilding this relationship. We have been doing a lot of small custom jobs and he has been building the cabinets for us. I thought that it seems like a no brainer when he shares our space.

He brought me a customer to design for and sell cabinetry to and I have been working with them for months. When they finally settled on a plan I sent them a final number. He met with them without telling me and they told him they were not happy with the overall project price. He offered to build the cabinets for a super low price. Everyone agreed that I should get paid for my time. When he told me yesterday I knew I would need some time to process what just happen.

I woke up after having a nightmare that he was attacking me. I did feel like he threw me under the bus. At four am I started reading to quiet my mind and meditate on why this is bothering me so much. Even though I am going to get paid the same it bothers me how it was handled.

I will have to have a little talk with him to clear the air. I like things to be out on the table and I can put the past behind us if he is upfront with me. This will be my terms for working together to save this marriage.

1 comment:

  1. I was impressed with the part of your decision was to wait before you talked with the cabinet maker. The other part, about actually talking with him, impresses me also. This is recovery to me. These are the things I need to work on. Being impetuous, hot headed, confrontational and defensive, I often find myself coming out with my dukes up. My hope is that you find peace within this marriage.