Tuesday, February 2, 2010
I had a good day yesterday and felt at peace, something that hasn’t been a staple in my life for longer than I want to admit. This morning I had a lot of people from my past show up and not show up in a dream. Today I have been sorting out the meaning of the dream. In the dream I was going to a party expecting to meet someone and they never showed up and then there were some other characters from my past that did.
I don’t believe in dream interpretation but I do think that sometimes your dreams tell you what you are working on. A friend was over last night and we were looking at old photos from about 20 years ago. I looked stylish and put together but I was living with active alcoholism and did not know of the impending meltdown heading my way.
It was a long time ago and I survived and actually the loss of that relationship changed the course of my life in a good way. I had to wake up and begin to address what was really ailing me and start the process of my own recovery. It hasn’t be all smiles and giggles but worth it.
I have a lot of anniversaries coming up this month and I will have to work at keeping the past in perspective. Two lines from the Promises of AA come to mind. We will not regret the past nor shut the door on it. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
So for today I will practice acceptance of myself and the decisions I have made in my life that have lead me to where I am today. In my dreams I hope to find what I am looking for or something better.