My spiritual journey has taken me to places I would have never gone willingly. I have always had the need to know why from a very early age and drove my parents crazy. I now just mostly drive my self crazy and some of my close friends. It seems I am never satisfied with what is I always want more even if it is just a little more insight. Even when my mind is not focused on any thought in particular the emptiness is incapacitating. I mean that in a literal way.
This week I decided I would take the week off and ended working more than usual. I am not complaining because I am self-employed so I will try again in the near future. I did have to opportunity to see where I use to live and the renovation that I inspired. It was where I thought I would live the rest of my life. It didn't really move me the way I thought it would. I have been working on my own spiritual renovation and I have learned that what you think you can't live without you really can and freedom even when forced on you can bring you peace.
I keep thinking that I will feel like my old self again when I had a clear picture of my future and a sense of belonging. I am coming to realize that as a spiritual being I will never feel like I truly belong here so I can relax and know that I am loved and provided for in ways I cannot imagine.