Thursday, June 2, 2011

Abundance - Habits that need breaking

I have made it through the darkness once again and this time it feels more permanent. I feel a little guilty putting out the sad post but blogging is about honesty and sharing what is real in my life.

Lately I get trapped and overwhelmed when nothing seems to be working in my life. This not normal for me since I have been in the program I have seen life from a half full perspective. This did not happen over night but with time I could see how I was my own thinking was putting a cloud over my life. I had to think of the worst case scenario to prepare myself for disappointment.

How did this help? It gave me a chance to be miserable ahead of time and when things did work out I told myself it was just a fluke. I couldn't even be happy about my successes. It was a way I developed as a child to cope with the chaos and to build a wall against the unknown. I could think of every way this could go wrong and it usually did just to reinforce the habit.

With the hormonal imbalance I couldn't seem to rally the troops and get to a place of acceptance and then action. Some days the glass was just empty.

Things are moving now and maybe it is because my heart is opening. I had an appointment yesterday with a customer that needs general hourly design work. Paint selection and various other consulting. They paid me for my time and then gave some fresh organic vegetables and a jar of homemade pickles. A bonus.

My appointment was at the beach when I left I met a friend for dinner and then we attended a spiritual circle celebrating new beginnings. Singing and meditation. It is good to join others on a spiritual path.

So I am feeling abundance and love today. Encouraged by the change in my spirit this week.


  1. I'm glad you are feeling better. It's nice when the reprieves come and we can breath again. I know what you go through, and I think every time I go through the down times I learn something new.

  2. I generally think that I can do things and do think the glass is full. But I have a friend who looks on the negative side.