Thursday, June 2, 2011
Abundance - Habits that need breaking
I have made it through the darkness once again and this time it feels more permanent. I feel a little guilty putting out the sad post but blogging is about honesty and sharing what is real in my life.
Lately I get trapped and overwhelmed when nothing seems to be working in my life. This not normal for me since I have been in the program I have seen life from a half full perspective. This did not happen over night but with time I could see how I was my own thinking was putting a cloud over my life. I had to think of the worst case scenario to prepare myself for disappointment.
How did this help? It gave me a chance to be miserable ahead of time and when things did work out I told myself it was just a fluke. I couldn't even be happy about my successes. It was a way I developed as a child to cope with the chaos and to build a wall against the unknown. I could think of every way this could go wrong and it usually did just to reinforce the habit.
With the hormonal imbalance I couldn't seem to rally the troops and get to a place of acceptance and then action. Some days the glass was just empty.
Things are moving now and maybe it is because my heart is opening. I had an appointment yesterday with a customer that needs general hourly design work. Paint selection and various other consulting. They paid me for my time and then gave some fresh organic vegetables and a jar of homemade pickles. A bonus.
My appointment was at the beach when I left I met a friend for dinner and then we attended a spiritual circle celebrating new beginnings. Singing and meditation. It is good to join others on a spiritual path.
So I am feeling abundance and love today. Encouraged by the change in my spirit this week.