I heard from my MIA contractor this morning who apparently checked himself in for a three day psych evaluation. He left me a long message that I wasn't really interested in hearing. I have been in crisis mode meeting the expectation of my customers on the jobs he abandoned.
It certainly jolted me out of my funk. Nothing like your pants being on fire to make you think about something other than what is going on in your head. I dug deep and scheduled all the replacement subs for tomorrow. I have been on the road all day picking up supplies and tomorrow going to both job sites.
I know it may sound harsh not to be interested in his explanation. Especially when I have had my own ups and downs with depression. I do believe that we have to get to where we got to go before we can start making our way back. We don't listen until we are ready to listen.
I have to take care of my side of the street and own up to my responsibilities. How could I have done things different. Oh I could give you a long list.
I always want to believe that someone means what they say and most of the time they do when they are saying it. That is why it is so convincing because they are sincere. I want so badly to believe them. This is it it is the one time they will actually follow through. This sets me up again for one more disappointment.
I am better for it this time. I have been lured in by more than one person in this scenario. First I know I can no longer take customers just because I like them. If they can't afford the dream in their head I can't try to help them make it happen. It drains me emotionally and I end up working for free. I have done it for the last time. Really!
I am sadly some version of the former owner. He loved people and wanted to make them happy even at the cost of business or even his personal life. You can't get something for nothing someone is paying for it even if it isn't you. There is a price.
Everyone must be accountable for their actions. Even me in this case I chose to believe that putting this contractor with this customer would help them both. He would be budget friendly and he could have work. He is skilled but obviously unreliable. In the end only I took responsibility for this because it was me that put them together.
So there you have it. A big lesson for me. The toll this week has taken on me is significant. I have faced the consequences of my own actions and I am ready to move on.
I am powerless over anyone but myself and sometimes that is in doubt too. During my sleepless night last night I did ask God to help me get through this so today I am firmly into step two. I will keep you posted.