Thursday, May 10, 2012
Spiritual Warfare - Step Three
It was some scary stuff to deal with as a child to think the devil was just one step behind you waiting for you to let your guard down. Kick you when you were down so to speak or take you under into darkness.
Over the years I have come to terms with the fact that there is something within me that isn't always looking out for my best interest. Stinking thinking that seems to be something I can't always control.
The words in my head seem so real and I believe them. No Polly Anna slogans or advice from do gooders will even scratch the surface when I am in that place. It terrifies me and paralyzes me and the last thing I want to do is move from where I am.
I know I am not the only one to have this experience. In my spiritual quest I have read many books by many authors following different spiritual paths experiencing same thing. Just before a breakthrough something pushes them down and then it passes.
What doesn't kill you will make you stronger. I think that your mind resist progress. It is so comfortable to live with what is familiar even if that is the pain of your own story. A rut dug over time going round and round is easier that doing what needs to be done climbing out. What is out there might not be better than the rut and truthfully for a time it isn't. Growth is uncomfortable for a time until the new rut is well established.
Sitting in meditation with the sadness and frustration going on in my right life now I realized I have reached that place again. I am climbing out of the rut and it is uncomfortable and lonely. I am being asked to question my own thinking and the way I have been approaching my life. This is really is hard and a blow to my ego.
In the darkness I asked God to help. The third step came to my mind instantly. Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand him. Really is it that simple? I heard was do nothing. Let go and so I back to the theme of this blog. God doesn't really need my help and he would prefer if in the very least I would just stay out of his way.