Here it is upon us once again the season to be jolly. It is 80 degrees today and I have been shopping most of the day. First for flooring for my kitchen, the first selection looked too pink and then for groceries.
I am fixing a traditional fish taco Christmas eve dinner. I am sure it is traditional some where but that is what sounded good to me and made with fresh local seafood it will be really good. Avocados were on sell and very ripe for the roasted corn avocado side dish. They are not in big demand for Christmas day I guess.
Tomorrow I am eating with some program friends and we are having hamburgers. I guess you can tell none of us are much for following traditions. It should be a fine day with a variety of food including a few vegetarian dishes. I am making lentil salad with roasted red peppers and feta cheese.
Getting past the talk about food and on a more serious note today I watched part of the Kurt Cobain story on HBO and the underlying theme was that he felt his family rejected him. His dad and stepmother with their combined children couldn't meet his expectations of how a real family should be. He turned angry and they decided to send him off to different relatives who rejected him after a short stay and he eventually he ended up back home with his mother. We know how the story ended.
Of course I could relate to the rejection part and I have to admit I do feel the shadows of rejection during the holidays. My family didn't reject me they were indifferent to me and still are. I spoke to my sister last night for over an hour. She told me about all their plans for the holidays. I does hurt that she doesn't even consider wanting to spend the holidays with me.
We have both created lives without each other. I know now some of this is because she lives with addiction and it is just easier to manage everything without an outsider.
For some of us the holidays bring up the lack in our lives even though it is suppose to be "the most wonderful time of the year" according to the song anyway. I can't help but wish things turned out differently for me and my family but it didn't and come Monday all these feeling of lack with be gone until next year.
I am happy to have the time off we are closed this weekend and I don't have to be back until Tuesday. This will give me time to finish my work around the house and have enough time to recover physically before returning to work.
I am grateful I have my friends to spend tonight and tomorrow with. I wish for you my blogging friends that you spend this holiday feeling peaceful and wanting nothing which is the same thing. Just knowing if your holiday doesn't resemble the one you pictured in your head that it is just one day of the year and by Monday it will be mostly forgotten.