Friday, June 18, 2010

Crossroads-fear or faith

I am moving down a path in my life that is not clearly marked and I have be trying to sort things out. I am trying to decide if I am moving in the right direction by staying in my current profession. So I looked at jobs on-line this morning.

It just so happened that I also went to the dentist today over by my old job. I was a dedicated corporate manager for many years at a job that drained the life out of me and ultimate made me physically sick. I stayed way too long a pattern for most of my relationships and ultimately they forced me to leave.

I stayed for the wrong reason (also a pattern) to protect the people in my department from being treated like numbers or line items on a budget. This is the way things are in corporate America efficency has made America great. The job was a great fit for me your typical control freak. I was efficient and willing to make things run smoothly and nothing got in my way. I excelled quickly and was all business.

Then I got in the program and all that changed. My take no prisoners attitude started to change. The icy efficient exterior formed in childhood began to melt and I actually realized others were hurting and the choices they made kept them stuck. I became the kinder gentler manager (my version of course). So after a few years of the new me everybody was happier but I had lost my edge or really lost my taste for pleasing everyone except myself. So I was out and chose a new career I have never looked back until now. Times are tough and without a steady income I thought about my old life. Could I go back?

The spiritual path is about faith in a power greater than ourselves. I am no longer that person created by my childhood I am more the person I was before the scars. So for today I am staying put and having faith that my higher power will show me the way.

I was right to worry about my department it was split up and eventually the whole division sold off. Maybe it was HP's plan for everyone to move on.

No comments:

Post a Comment