I was walking in the woods yesterday and came upon a large turtle on the trail I went back to my car to get my camera and even though it wasn’t very far by the time I got back he was gone. I looked everywhere and wondered how it could move so quickly. It reminded me of how even though it seems like sometimes I am not making progress if I can just trust my higher power and keep plugging along I can look up one day and find myself some place else.
What lead me to recovery and what keeps me in recovery is two different things. The pain of what I thought someone else did to me brought me here and my true desire to find a path that leads me to a lasting peace keeps me here.
Finding relief in the beginning can feel like something permanent and I have found that a lot of people leave the program shortly after that and return later or not at all. The head convinces the heart that a miracle has occurred and that we can do it on our own and don’t need any help. Everything becomes more important than meetings and our time is more valuable and should be used for other things. This is how we got here in the first place thinking that we can do this alone and we have the answers.
I have taken some time off from attending meetings and gotten involved in some other spiritual outlets, but it is not the same. The time away has been good for me to get perspective and to appreciate the simplicity of how the program works. My mind is my best friend and worst enemy and I need the ease and familiarity of the steps to sort out my thoughts and get to a place of clarity.
Like the turtle I am moving forward not at the speed I would like but one that works for me. I sometime have to pull my head in my shell to emerge a wiser person. This is why the program works for us as well as the alcoholic it is simple and puts the chaos in our heads in order. I need that now and will always need that to find peace.
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