I am trying something different in hopes that I will reach a turning point of some kind that will bring my drowning spirit to the surface. I am checking out of my personal commitments to see if I can shake off the last of what really is causing me pain. I think if I sit with myself long enough something will happen.
So I spent the day with my miserable self and I made it through. I watched an episode of Oprah about overeating and the question brought up was "what is really the problem?" It isn't about the food or whatever. The real problem is never that obvious. It is never what you think it is so I am looking for the real problem.
They went on to talk about having compassion for yourself when you are emotionally raw and treat yourself kindly. If you thought of yourself as your own child in pain what would you do to help.
So I am trying to think if my mom was here now what would say to me or do for me to ease my pain. Truthfully she would probably try to solve my problem. We do that in our family we think any problem can be solved. I would want her to make me my favorite food. She would eventually get to the scriptures and read a favorite passage about faith and troubled times.
I don't know for sure what she would do all I know is that I will get through this and be better off somewhere down the road. Finding a way to be my own mom and to have compassion and patience with myself is really the answer I am looking for.
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