I have written a few post that didn't get posted. One for me and one for you I guess. I have been hoping for something fun to come along and get me out of this funk but nothing has appeared. So I have made a decision to not to try so hard.
In my mind I don't try nearly as hard as I did ten years ago so I think I am a slacker. I am comparing myself to myself and coming up short. So I going to strive for light and fluffy. All thinking is off limits and I am back in time out.
I do have an update on my unruly customer. After deciding to let it go over and over again I was able to spend my two days off without thinking of them.
Once I made up my mind to take my business partners advise and send out an email instead of dealing with them on the phone I felt pretty good. She said she would deal with the fall out on my Monday. (my day off).
I didn't turn my computer on for two days because I thought I would be tempted to check. When I got to the office I had no messages. When I opened my email I did have a reply. We are so excited about finishing this project. That is it, that is all it said.
We are in the process of installing and there was one part missing in the shipment that arrived at 5:00 yesterday but so far so good. The installer sent me pictures and the appliances will be delivered tomorrow. I would be there but the job site is 90 minutes from here. I was loony to even agreed to do it.
This is all about me and my own need to be perfect. The past year I have felt I have been slipping mentally. Is it age or lack of stimulation or both. I have been busy but not busy enough to keep my adrenalin flowing. When I am not at at least 90% capacity I make mistakes and take on work that I would pass up if I was busy enough.
I have got to trust God to provide my every need even before I know I have one. When I am at my mental and emotional best I can sail along with no worries but if I start thinking too much about how it will work I go straight to fear mode.
Nobody is pressuring me to take these jobs or do more than my best. It is me that kicks me when I am down and tells me I am not enough. So today I not going to try so hard and let my Higher Power take up the slack.