Saturday, July 24, 2010


Tonight I have been thinking a lot about limits. First limits are not necessarily good or bad just like everything else in life it is your point of veiw. This week I reached my limit and had a complete meltdown. This has happened before but for some reason I was surprised by it this time. Once the crisis passed and I picked myself up off the floor literally in this case I had to decide what to do next.

First the crisis was not of epic proportions and the reaction didn't really seem to fit the situation. Yes it is true I have a lot going on I always have a lot going on I like it that way. But every time I decide to pull back and take time to recharge life comes on a little stronger. In my work customers show up out of no where after missing for months and in my personal life previous commitments can't be ignored. It is just life.

For me an introvert I need to recharge and what usually happens is that things start to build up and I don't get the time out I need and then I have a melt down. This time not getting away has to do with my dog whose health is failing and I don't feel I can burden anyone else with her care at this point. I have thought of leaving her at the vet but she would be disoriented and that would be tramatic for her. It not just about her it is that right now my life feels unstable and taking care of her just adds to the overall unstable view I have of of my life. On my best days I know it is just in my head and I am grateful for the life I have but sometimes I feel maxed out and I am scrambling to escape the fear.

So the question is am I really limited or is thought that I am limited what is really hurting me. I tell the people I sponsor we are only limited by our thinking there is always a third option. But when despair arrives you can't see any options that is why it is despair.

So to move past my place of doom initially I took off in the middle of the day abandoned my work and went to the movies. I saw Inception and it definitely helped me get away and tomorrow I am taking a little road trip, just for the day. So I am only limited by my thoughts of being limited.

I have choices and choosing to care for my dog for as long as it is best for her is just that a choice. She is happily sleeping waiting for her next meal just what we will do when we are her age.

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