Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Selling myself short - What am I worth?
Reinforce a sense of sovereignty within yourself, despite any self-limiting beliefs, habits or appearances to the contrary.
The above is from one of my daily readings. Fake it until you make it my friend that is the word today anyway.
I have always struggled with my own value. What I bring to the table and I am not sure if that is because I have lived most of my life without any positive feedback or is it because I somehow think it is bad to toot your own horn.
As I have mentioned before I am a worker bee stealth in my actions. Working for the personal enjoyment of producing and completing a project. This has hurt me in the past because until I am gone no one realizes just how much I was doing. This is true in my personal and professional life and I am not sure what to do about it.
The idea of worth keeps coming up for me. I sent an invoice to a customer who wants me to justify the work I completed for her in writing. This is how design is and once a project is finished some people discount the value.
It feels personal and takes me back to the part of myself that thinks maybe I am not worth it. I am once again trying to get my self-worth from other people. If I don't believe I am worthy how can I expect anyone else to.
I can feel a shift within. It has be slow but after a year of scraping by I feel I am starting to come to terms with this and to stop selling myself short. I really have nothing to lose if no one wants to pay me then at least I will be free to do something else with my time. Instead of doing work I am not getting paid for.
It comes down to some basic desires. I want people to love and appreciate me. I want them to value the work I put into creating a lovely space.
In the words of Byron Katey, turn that around, I need to love and appreciate myself. I need to value the work I put into creating a lovely space.
How do I convince myself that I am worth it?