Friday, February 17, 2012

Expectations - How low can they go?

I was riding to lunch with my partner the other day and we were talking about expectations. I told here she would be happier if she lowered her expectations. She thought that was the most ridiculous thing she had heard. Why should she lower her standards.

I didn't really get into all the reasons why but I remembered how miserable I was before the program taught me about the perils of expectations. I was so self-righteous and indignant about how people acted and treated me.

It was all about me and every time something didn't go my way I took it as a personal attack. I knew what was best and if they would listen they would be better off. I had to learn the hard way that nothing is really about me. What a blow to my ego.

It has taken me many years to see just how self-absorbed I am, still working on that. I hid it well behind my good deeds and martyrdom. It was part of my facade to be the victim in my life. The regular people help to keep this delusion going by agreeing with how badly you are being treated.

This doesn't work with people in the program. No one lets you be the victim anymore. Besides it is really time consuming and draining to talk about your woes all the time. I had a lot woes and luckily my sponsor was a patient woman and would regularly tell me to get off the pity potty.

I can admit it is still all about me. The difference is that now I know that it is like that for everyone. We are the center of our own universe and like it or not no one is really thinking that much about anyone but themselves. They got their own universe to manage and I will never be the center of theirs.

How did I get off the subject of expectations, I am not sure I really did. Life is nothing but one big expectation and this is what makes us unhappy not getting that expectation met.

Our expectation assumes that we have the best plan and other people just need to get on board. Because don't they want happy like I am. How do we know we have the best plan, we don't.

1 comment:

  1. Sadly, I have a close friend who is fully into self-pity. He has been a valuable mentor but over the years, he has become absorbed with all that is wrong with him. I have no expectations of him changing. He has chosen a different path from me. That's okay. I can let go.