Thursday, February 2, 2012

Trusting myself - Commitment Phobe

Tomorrow is the big the day when the business gets signed over to us. Maybe. It all depends on whether the owner agrees to the terms. I feel both excited and terrified at the same time.

Granted I have prepared a resume to hunt for a new job in an old career but I am moving forward with this at the same time. The uncertainty I see in everything is a reflection on my own inner inability to commit.

I have a hard time with commitment because once I am in it might be decades before I resurface. This is my story if I choose to believe it. So I am straddling the fence per say while moving forward at the same time.

I know myself well enough to see that I am pretending not to commit leaving the door open so I can run off at any moment. Have I ever done that planned an escape route or ran off. Nope not ever.

I have documents in a folder with my name on a new corporation. Scary stuff that sounds like commitment to me. I am still pretending.

I keep thinking that if I am not suppose to do this he will not sign those papers tomorrow. I am trusting in God and my own process for working through this and I will listen carefully to my gut tomorrow.

I want to be free and if we can make a success of this business I will have freedom. If I don't focus on all the things that could go wrong or the mountain of obstacles my mind has made up this could actually be fun and exciting.

I will keep you posted.

Hey does anyone know how to remove the underlines that suddenly showed up on my blog.


  1. You sound a little like me. Commitment was on my resentment list!

  2. Stepping outside of the comfort zone is difficult for me at times. Committing to something for the long term can bring fear. I hope that it works out for you.