Things are moving forward in a strange way at work. The owner seems to have washed his hands of the day to day managing responsibilities. He decided to teach me today how to deposit checks or rather his way to deposit checks. He offered to go with me to introduce me the tellers. I said I could manage on my own.
I sat in the parking lot at the bank and thought about the position I have suddenly found myself in and felt a little put upon. Nothing is in writing and I think he is just seeing freedom from responsibility. Denial is the name of the game so I am not sure what to do at this point so I am in the wait and see mode.
I feel like I don't really know where to go for support or advice. My soon to be partner is not looking at this except from a purely business perspective and I get that but it is a little more complicated. We need to make money now. So I called my sister, she is a lawyer in another state.
We have had a kind of casual distant relationship over the years. She left for college when my Dad remarried and didn't really go through the same stuff I went through. She was four years older and we had a different experience. She didn't really want to believe the stuff I told her was happening. Denial is the name of the game here too.
She wanted to be close to my dad after her kids were born and I understood that but I felt left out. I chose to stay away and avoid any further damage to my self esteem. I wasn't part of the family. It is all old news now and over the past few years we have both made amends to each other in our own way. We are now getting to know each other again now that my her kids are grown and my dad is gone.
She called me tonight and we talked through a couple of solutions and I actually feel much better. We are so much a like it is really weird our thought processes are the same and our views on the personality dynamics. We have the same work ethic and the same weaknesses. We both try to do too much and think of the other person first. We want to do what is fair for everyone. We can thank my mom for that my sister and I would have to divide everything equally or we were in big trouble.
It is nice to finally have an adult relationship with my sister. I have grown up and don't see things with my inner child's eyes any more and I have stopped trying to get someone to do take responsibility for my pain. I understand now that everyone is trying to survive and to do that you sometimes hurt the people you love.
It is good to have someone in my corner that I can trust even if it is a lawyer. It has been a long day and I am glad it is over. I am happy to have more information and the side benefit of a deeper relationship with my sister.