Thursday, January 27, 2011

I am not my fears - It is all in my mind

I was reading another blog and misread this statement. I am not my fears. It said something else and I don't even remember what now. I needed to hear I am not my fears. I have a lot of fears right now and from a logic standpoint they are all warranted.

I get caught up in all the possibilities and my mind says you should be afraid, if your not your nuts. Then worse than that my mind says, your not all that. How do you think you can pull this off look at the mess you have been the past couple of years. Who are you kidding? I don't listen most of the time but when I do I want to run away. There is no place to go without my head.

Why is it my mind wants me to fail or in the least wants me to feel like a failure. You can call it the devil or ego or whatever it always wants me to look a the flaws in my plan or in my optimism. Is it the workings of every analytical mind or is it just mine?

I use to never get a break from this the naysayer in my head. When I got to the program it was the first time I realized I had a voice in head and the voice might not have my best interest at heart. I would say this is the single most important thing I have learned in the program. I didn't realize this steady flow of dooms day banter was wearing me down. I haven't been able to silence it completely but I have added the second voice. A voice of reason, love and encouragement.

I wonder if I was born with this voice or did my childhood carve it out for me? The other voice I imagine as the loving parent that lives inside me. It is stronger now and quells the fears and makes me list my strengths and reasons why this will work out.

I am not my fears I know that now. I can trust in a power greater than myself that it will work out. I just have to do what I need to do today and put my hands of my ears when the voice gets louder, hey I guess that really won't work will it?


  1. I often wonder what my life would be like if I wasn't held back by fear. Like you, I am working on finding that out. Trudge on, my friend. You are not alone.

  2. hi grace- found your blog on a completely random blog search for al-anon blogs, and just wanted to say i read and appreciate you writing.

  3. I have heard it said that when I am in my head I am behind enemy lines. I don't have to let the fear overwhelm me.