I got some news on Wednesday after finally leaving the house this week. The other designer called and said the owner is in trouble financially and was planning on meeting someone about buying the business. The plan was that he would transition the business to us so this is a big deal. We ask him not to meet with anyone until we had a chance to talk it over on Monday.
This conversation happen while my friend and I were on the way to the beach for a walk. My friend said we could turnaround and go home but I was powerless to do anything about it at that moment. So we went for our walk and I did a good job of putting it away for the day and even overnight but yesterday morning I was in full freak out mode.
I went to the office and had a long discussion with the owner. I wanted to know why he was feeling the pressure now when business is good. It is slow but always slow this time of year. He said he is tired of worrying about money and couldn't keep things up anymore. After our conversation I did feel like we could work something out and felt better.
Last night I slipped back into fear. I imagined the worst possible outcomes to this situation all the way down to losing my house. I called my sponsor and she did help. She told me it was normal to freak out when your livelihood is threaten. The shock would pass and I would be fine.
Then I panicked and thought what if we did get the business can I really handle this kind of responsibility? I just emerged from depression and I am starting to feel normal again, am I ready? I know I can handle it, but the depression really scared me and made me doubt myself. I never doubted my ability to get the job done before. Just thinking about it made me tired.
The truth is it has be rough for all three of us the past few years. Me fighting grief and depression. The owner having cancer and heart surgery. The other designer got married had a baby and then her husband lost his job and they moved back in with her parents. Not exactly a picture of stability but we made it and things are actually picking up. We will regroup on Monday and see what we can work out.
Today I am over the shock and know that I can do this if I want. I am not afraid and know that spiritually if it is suppose to happen it will go according to plan. It is actually a good thing that he is finally ready to turn it over. We have seen some changes in him and we weren't sure where we were going and felt our hands were tied. I feel for him he is young for 79 and I hope to one day follow and his foot steps and have to be forced to leave work.
So it is a new year and I am glad to see this year pass. We went to a Sufi Peace Dance tonight. It is something started by a guy in the 1960's to teach hippies how to get high without drugs. It is singing and dancing in a spiritual way. It feels great and when you leave you do feel elated. I think when your with like minded people, seekers if you will, the positive power is concentrated. Just like in meetings sometimes just being there makes you feel better.
This has been a great New Years Eve for me. Experiencing it with others seeking peace and on top of that we stopped at the Krispy Kreme because the hot donut light was on. How can you beat that?
Happy New Year!