Saturday, April 23, 2011
Good Friday - A Path to God
I took the day off yesterday. I thought a little space between me and the office would be good under the circumstances. It has mostly blown over but I will take care of myself and my boundaries at a later date.
The day started on the porch with the very active wildlife community. Birds, butterflies and squirrels, oh my. My pet owl was calling out with no response. It was actually pretty calm and quiet compared to the previous night. At 2 AM I couldn't sleep and went out on the porch to meditate the frogs and raccoons were so loud I had to go back inside to get some peace.
In the day light everything seemed fresh and new. I reflected on the fact that it was Good Friday and that many people were acknowledging the meaning of the day for them. I thought about what it means to me and determined that for me it showed a willingness to give everything for the ultimate good of mankind. Could I do that?
I am not willing to give up my place in line most days, let alone my life. Is that true? Actually I think a spiritual life does require giving up your life in a sense that you step back and see a bigger picture. You look at other people as souls trying to find their way through life, just like me. Doing their best or least their best for the moment even if it doesn't meet my expectations. Maybe their best will be better tomorrow. We are all just trying to find our way. I feel lucky I found a program that gave me guidelines for finding my own way when I was so lost and sad.
I went to an Earth Day ceremony last night that included drumming, chanting and other rituals. About 20 people finding there own way by getting very worked up and I felt detached. It reminded me of my childhood in the pentecostal church watching the emotions pouring out. I do believe in a personal connection to God and everyone has to find it in their own way. A year ago I might have been interested in this because I was still searching. I have found God in the quieter moments now.
The search is over for me. The time and energy I have spent looking for the truth has led me back to the same place over and over. Staying in this moment and realizing we are all connected spiritually and part of the whole. It has been the ultimate awakening for me. My ego enjoys being an individual but it only brings me temporary pleasure. Acquiring the next thing or the next experience satisfies only for a moment. Then the search must go on for something more.
I left the ceremony and went outside. I stood in front of the a small pond and noticed a lot of movement. It was full of turtles and they were very busy doing nothing, from my perspective. As the sun was setting I truly felt part of a bigger plan.
On the ride home my friend and I talked and she said she felt the same thing that there was nothing there for us. It has been a year of awakenings and we both are feeling content to just be. It is nice to be with others that have the same interest in the spiritual and we will continue to participate. It is just different now.
You probably think I have gone off the deep end and think I have found some kind of nirvana but it is not true. I have been on the quest all my life and only this year I have found that the answer isn't out there it's in my heart. The same place God is for me. It is so simple maybe too simple. When I make it complicated it takes me further from what God wants for me peace and serenity.
I still have bad days and will have to fight my ego constantly to keep fear from making me doubt my new found freedom. Already it says, who do you think you are making it so simple? That voice will be out of work if I stop listening. My spirit is what God created and the ego is what I created. If I stop listening I will be free to listen to others and when I am really quiet I can hear the voice of God.
As always, this is my journey take what you like and leave the rest.