Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Wanting More-Acceptance

I have been in a place of doing some thinking about character defects and wondering whether wanting more is a character defect. A friend of mine would say I think too much and there is nothing to figure out. I would say that dismissing all contemplation is a way of not dealing with what is really going on. Pretending to be happy has never worked for me it.

Act as if, isn't that what we say in the program. I have a problem with that because that is what brought me here in the first place, pretending that everything is fine and going about my business and not paying attention to the reality of my life.

So I am looking for balance, somewhere between that deep hunger for a real purpose in my life and feeling like, what is the point? My search for the holy grail is always just below the surface, it is only when I pile on the distractions that I feel relief from my quest. This is who I am, the wanting more part, being fully engaged and working towards the greater good. My character defect is that I am never satisfied with what is, I always can see what could be.

I watched a special on happiness last night and they said that humans have a capacity to adapt to anything unless they feel they have some control over the situation. If they accepted the situation as out of their control they could move on and be happy but as long as they felt something could or should be done about it they were stuck.

So to me peace is in acceptance of what is and this goes against my natural approach to life. I think this is why I stay stuck is my lack of acceptance and my inability to lean into life when things aren't going my way. I think it is my responsibility to do something which makes me feel pressure.

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