Step Four- Made a searching an fearless inventory of ourselves.
I have done a couple of 4 th steps and someone ask me recently to do a 4 th step with them and I had to think about what that really means. In the meetings it sounds so scary, some dreaded leap into the unknown, who knows what will happen after that.
I was lucky my first sponsor was more like I am now, no rigid rules or leaps in the dark. Just the fact that we say work the 4 th step tells you something. It is my opinion that our number one character defect is that we think anything worthwhile must be difficult. It is why we envy those in the other program that want to just make everything fun. Life is not fun we only feel validated when we have done the work.
So the 4Th step is just one more thing to beat ourselves up over. I have to do my 4th step, I have to do it perfectly and it has to be scary. This why it is scary. For me the first time I didn't have the energy to add one more difficult thing to my to do list. So my sponsor told me to write my story.
So I wrote all the details of all the wrongs that had been done to me and then we talked about. What my part in the story was and whether I had any control over what happened. Some things I did and some things I didn't. I read it years later and realized it was from a child's point of view. The 4th step for me is about uncovering our limiting thoughts and beliefs, especially the emotional immaturity (I am still working on that). I am always responsible but not always mature.
The second time I used the Blue Print for Progress and re-wrote my story. The book is not inspiring to me and feels very clinical. I think the 4 th step is about taking the mystery out of our defects and seeing that we needed them to get through the painful times in our past. It is also about realizing we aren't just defects we have many assets. I didn't believe that I had any assets in the beginning. The alcoholic would have never left me if there wasn't something wrong with me.
So 4th step work can be like anything else you can make it hard or you can try it a different way. There is no right or wrong way to do it, take what you like and leave the rest.