I opened my email just now to find an message from my ex now that is not the good news. The message said hope you are well and you are having a nice holiday. That is still not the good news. I just sat there for a moment and my head began to think about all those years together and what I don't have now.
The truth is that the holidays were no different than the rest of the time. If anything was done I did it and I did it alone at the holidays. Some years I did nothing and some years I was Martha. I didn't resent it I just accepted it happiness is an inside job. I made a list of what I wanted and on Christmas morning everything thing on the list was there. So that is what I don't have now.
I can't say it doesn't sting even after three years but I also know it is just this moment and I am feeling great these days. In fact tonight I ran three miles and started a painting for a friend of mine. She wanted a painting of a sea turtle. It is turning out really nice. I spent a half hour with the dogs just now and they are so much fun I could here them howling when I left. Dogs are great.
Back to the good news. The email said my best friend from my childhood left a message for me. This is great news. We lost contact over the last ten years and then her mother sent me a card with their numbers and I lost it. I have looked everywhere and just last week I thought, I wish I could find that card. Her family was very paranoid even when we were kids so they all have unlisted numbers and would never be on facebook.
Her parents were divorced and back then,in the church we belonged to, no one got divorced. Her dad was a traveling salesman and ran off with his secretary, they are still married. Her mother never remarried because of her religious beliefs. Ironically my friend also married a traveling salesman, but she is his secretary. Life is strange but you get use to it eventually.
They lived on our same street and her mother was my mother's best friend. When I left home at 16 she was the one that took me in. It was quite the experience with five teenagers working and going to school at the same time. The house was really small and I spent that summer in the garage with the cats. I was happy to be free just like I am now.
The parking was something out of a comedy with six cars coming and going. The neighbors weren't too happy with us at the time. I was lucky because with work I was usually the last one home and the first one to leave in the morning. Of course we all had girlfriends and boyfriends. She was a saint really and she tried to give me motherly advise but I was 16 and knew everything. I moved further south after that summer. I broke up with my one true love and needed a geographical cure and to find my next one true love. I have been here ever since.
What trip down memory lane. This brings to mind where I came from and how far I have come. Those were not the good old days for me. I remember even back then I had the Serenity Prayer hanging on the wall in the garage. I never doubted that I would make it and I feel I have been guided all the way. I don't believe in regret and never wanted to go back to any age.
What I have learned is you get what you get and you do the best you can with it. I use to think, you suck it up and move on, but finding the steps helped me to clean house and take care of myself. To find happiness where you are. Nothing last forever joy or pain so I can make the most of the joy and know that the pain will pass.
That is good news.