Thursday, December 2, 2010

Darkness to Light to Darkness

What a difference a day makes. After my post about being in a great place I ended up not sleeping. I don't know whether it was exercise or caffeine or what but yesterday was pretty awful. Spiritually and emotionally I felt like I slipped back into darkness and fear.

I don't know where I am going these days, I always believed my life had a purpose and in moments of fear and doubt now, I am not so sure. I have made decisions in my life that have led me to where I am today. I don't blame anyone but myself for those choices. I get into trouble when I think, whats next? Is this it?

I look around and people are going on about their lives. My partner at work spent the entire day making a Christmas list for herself and her husband to give to her family. With specific item numbers. This seems so foreign to me and makes me feel like I am some kind of alien on the planet.

I thought about skipping the blog writing today given I am living in the shadows but the writing is about honesty.

I am grateful for many things in my life and I know this time of darkness will pass. I will find my way even if I think I am taking too long to do so. I actually feel better than I did last night but I called my counselor to get a reality check.

I beleive that at some point in time I will look back and understand what this time in life was suppose to teach me.

1 comment:

  1. Funny how one day can be so good and the following day so bleak. And for me, when the day seems without light, it's like I've lost everything. And I do what you did, I tell myself that it will pass. And it does. And I agree with you that one day I will figure out what the lesson was supposed to be.

    One day at a time, learning to trust in something Bigger than me.