I started my day feeling pretty good with the sun streaming in the guest room window, if I ever had guest it would be a guest room. This has never happened before in my house because my bedroom has no windows. This would bother most people but it is great for sleeping. Evil doers love the dark is what my mom would say, I did always want to be a vampire. Hmmm.
It is weird I know but the original master had french doors that opened to the porch and then they converted the porch to a second living room. Which has made a perfect studio for me complete with a wet bar to wash my brushes. What is really weird is that when I moved in they had covered the french doors with floor to ceiling mirrors. You could still see them from the bedroom and they had blinds on them. If you opened the blinds then you saw the back of the mirror. The mirrors were the first to go luckily I don't believe in bad luck because we broke them all.
The day got ugly for awhile when I had to take care of some issues with the IRS. If you are in business for yourself you triple your chances of getting to know the IRS and with me out of my mind and depressed. I prefer one or the other but both will land in a heap of trouble. I had paid everything but the regular business side of the IRS was not telling the threatening your past due side and I was becoming scared with every letter. I called a friend who had experience with this and she said you must get in your car and drive down there. This seemed a little extreme to me but this the final piece to getting back to my right mind, it has been a long time, let me say.
I spent a few hours getting my ducks (paperwork) in a row and decided I would call. I stopped for a moment and spoke to HP and said you know that I know I did this but I could use some help putting things right. I am not asking for leniency just some co-operation. I dialed the number and the wait time was ten minutes. In ten minutes I spoke to Eleanor number XXXXXXXXXX. I explained my situation and she put me on hold and when she came back, she said the money had been posted to the wrong quarter. She did want to go over some other forms I was missing and I agreed to send what she showed was missing. I told her I had been depressed and my paper life had suffered the most and I appreciated her help.
I am embarrassed by all of this especially when I have been a corporate manager in charge of a budget that was in the millions. This is what depression and grief did to me I could not, sort this simple process out, to safe my life. I even took the stuff to a professional and still ended up in trouble.
I couldn't think clearly and when I could, I used that clarity take care of my customers and keep my business afloat. I have been trying to get this done for so long. About three months ago I owed a pretty large amount of taxes for me. I didn't know how I could pay them and still have anything to live on. I said ok HP I am going to write down the things I willing to do and these are the things you need to take care of. My side I wrote housekeeping, seems simple but if your depressed not so simple. That was all I could commit to and on HP's side I wrote money for taxes.
So I started cleaning and taking care of things the way healthy people do and forgot about it. A couple of weeks later I got a check in the mail for exactly the amount I owed. Apparently one of the companies I had sold cabinets for was giving out bonus money for anyone selling their product. It is very high end and I hadn't sold the product until recently so I didn't realize they were giving out these bonuses. So I paid the taxes.
I believe in miracles and today was miracle getting this resolved. I get paralyzed with fear when I can't see a solution. I forget the power of believing in something greater than myself. I also forget that there are no wrong decisions and HP's timing is perfect and even works to include procrastination. I guess I needed more proof that no matter what, it all works out. I will add that not ever the way I might think and not always without suffering.
So I didn't have to get out of my pj's and drive down to the IRS that in itself is worth celebrating. Grateful today and believing in miracles once again.