What a difference a day makes. After my post about being in a great place I ended up not sleeping. I don't know whether it was exercise or caffeine or what but yesterday was pretty awful. Spiritually and emotionally I felt like I slipped back into darkness and fear.
I don't know where I am going these days, I always believed my life had a purpose and in moments of fear and doubt now, I am not so sure. I have made decisions in my life that have led me to where I am today. I don't blame anyone but myself for those choices. I get into trouble when I think, whats next? Is this it?
I look around and people are going on about their lives. My partner at work spent the entire day making a Christmas list for herself and her husband to give to her family. With specific item numbers. This seems so foreign to me and makes me feel like I am some kind of alien on the planet.
I thought about skipping the blog writing today given I am living in the shadows but the writing is about honesty.
I am grateful for many things in my life and I know this time of darkness will pass. I will find my way even if I think I am taking too long to do so. I actually feel better than I did last night but I called my counselor to get a reality check.
I beleive that at some point in time I will look back and understand what this time in life was suppose to teach me.
Funny how one day can be so good and the following day so bleak. And for me, when the day seems without light, it's like I've lost everything. And I do what you did, I tell myself that it will pass. And it does. And I agree with you that one day I will figure out what the lesson was supposed to be.
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time, learning to trust in something Bigger than me.