Sunday, March 13, 2011

Do I need that sweater?

I looked at jobs in the mortgage industry yesterday and found one that I am qualified for. I have been in a panic watching my saving dwindle with the slow sales at work.

I have been praying and meditating a lot and asking that I get a sign or some direction if I should cut loose and just go back from whence I came. I had an appointment Friday night and the woman said she knew me and it turns out that we started at the same company at the same time and she knows all the people I know.

I thought maybe it was a sign so I checked the postings where she works now and found the job. I am split and it is keeping things from moving forward for me. Sitting on the fence not totally commited to a path. This is hard the waiting, it is what trips me up.

This morning I thought about my sweater story. I am cold and scared and looking for something to make me feel safe where I am. The grief related to my dog might be making me feel a little less grounded. I want a sweater even if it is the wrong one. Can I resist the temptation to do the logical thing. Is it a test?

I am not the person I was back when I was in that industry. The program changed me made me see how rigid I was and helped me find the natural me not the one that developed out of self defense. I am thinking I can't go back and I love what I do.

Can I resist the temptation to pick security over passion? Can I have faith that I am on the right path? Can I commit to myself and my passion can I trust my higher power has brought me this far and will provide me with what I need to succeed.

I think I can. I had two appointments today on Sunday. Being out and about free and doing what I love. I can't see being tied to a cubicle and working for someone else again. My skills as a manager and motivator can be used to promote my own business.

So for today I am still naked and I am learning to knit as fast as I can.

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