The truth as I see it today. I came to the office late today because I needed some time to myself. I worked and extra day this week and with this weeks trauma I decided to come in late.
I don't like the position I am in at work and I am feeling resentful that everyone is waiting for me to make a move. Yesterday I thought I should just walk away but decided I should give myself some time to grieve losing my dog before making any rash decisions. This morning I felt better until I got to the office.
The owner comes to me complaining that he has to pay $35.00 to get his drivers license replaced. How unfair it is that he has to have all this identification and how the government is always trying to screw you. He needs his SS card and can he get it on-line? Since he doesn't use a computer it means, can you check that for me? I didn't do it. I wanted to ask him who lost the license, but I didn't.
This has made my blood boil today. Why? Because he never takes responsibility for creating the messes he creates and then expects everyone to feel bad and bail him out. Last week his homeowners insurance was cancelled because he didn't get the repair they requested done by the deadline and then they wouldn't give him an extension. In a Al-Anon slip I got on the phone and talked to the company it didn't work.
This is so familiar this behavior it takes me way back. I don't want to be the hero in any one's life and I got stand my ground. When I went to his house to take pictures of the repair, another slip, he smelled of beer. Another flash from the past.
The difference now is I can see it. His problems are not my problems and if I take them on it is my fault. If I cross back over to the crazy side I do it willingly and not as a victim. I know better than I did in the past. I am not really expecting him to take any responsibility for the crisis with the business or any other crisis he creates. Today I am doing what is best for me and he will have to accept the consequences of his own actions or maybe not but it is not my problem.
My sponsor said I need a few days off together to grieve and clear my head. She is right it has been a rough week and even though I knew the end was near for my dog it was a loss that I must acknowledge.