Saturday, March 12, 2011

For Vicky - Finding Love

I feel compelled to write this today. I have gone back to my work three times and I can't shake this feeling that I must write about this so here it is. This happen almost 2 years ago but this the message is clear.

Untreated Al-Anons can die from their disease. It might not be from a dramatic over dose or under a bridge somewhere but it is a death related to a disease that affects us all.

The disease isn't so easy to spot it masquerades as kindness and giving. Giving until it hurts until our own health is in jeopardy. It is putting everyone first in hopes that someone will notice and make us feel worthy of love. Showing our value to the people around us to get that love and approval we so deserve.

My friend Vicky was like that and it ultimately killed her. In her love life she had a man that told her regularly not to get attached to him because she wasn't his girlfriend. On the job she worked 12 hours a day and took a 10% pay cut from a boss that would call her day and night. She gave her kids everything.

She was sick physically and emotionally. She was a Type II diabetic that should have been taking especially good care of herself but ultimately ran herself into the ground to take care of others.

We met after she worked in our office for a couple of weeks and we had and instant connection. Being raised in an alcoholic home and had been married to an alcoholic I tried to get her to go to meetings but it didn't happen. She was too busy taking care of everyone else.

She called me one day to take her to the doctor she had been sick for a few days and didn't want to ask her boyfriend because he was busy. She couldn't drive because she was too sick. I took her to the doctor and he said to take her to the emergency room. I did and we were there for eight hours before she got a bed. When I left at 1 AM she was getting antibiotics and waiting for a room.

She had massive heart failure and a stroke and was never conscious again. None of her family came that night or the boyfriend. I was the only one there a person that only knew her casually. They didn't even have a memorial for her.

I found out that because she was run down and dehydrated her organs failed. If she had taken care of herself she would still be here. Her death changed me forever. It showed me that you can't give yourself away to get the love you need. You have to love yourself and find a God you trust to fill the void.

So what is the point of this post. Love yourself take care of yourself be a friend to yourself a loving parent to yourself. Always putting other first can kill you it is a family disease.

1 comment:

  1. A powerful reminder. I think that depression can also set in when one is sick from the effects of alcoholism. It is a sad thing indeed. I do take better care of myself and have learned to detach.