Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Can I trust myself?

It seems that sometimes I am last to know my true feelings. I have been blindsided time and time again by my own emotions. My mind says every things fine, you doing great, not obsessing content maybe even happy and then boom out of left field I am overtaken by sadness, depression and even love.

In relationships I am always the last to recognize the attraction or even the distance that has taken place. Why is that, am I so out of touch with myself that I don't notice or am I in my head most of the time and my heart is doing it's on thing.

I have set up a meeting with someone that I loved and lost. The timing was bad and it would have never worked. So we are meeting again for the first time since the drama has passed and we are both in different places.

It is my nature to analyze and process something until every nook and cranny has been analyzed. It is my way. It is my brain that does this, I can't be done until I am done. I can't be free to move on until I have completed this cycle.

So do I think there is hope, maybe. Does it really matter at this point, maybe. Can I accept the outcome no matter what, maybe. Do I have expectations, maybe.

The bottom line is I feel good about this and I think I need this to move on but, I don't trust myself.

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