I went to the counselor yesterday and I took a list of the things I needed to talk about. I can't really afford to go very often so I wanted to make the best use of the time. I didn't actually right it down but I felt I needed to get some specific answers to make sure I am not headed down the wrong path.
She of course believes there is no wrong path just different choices. I like that because it goes along with my belief of looking at everything from a higher spiritual place. I beleive we are spiritual beings and our lives here are a small part of the journey and we learn want we need to learn and then move on.
I haven't really wanted to understand why I haven't wanted to go back to my old schedule. I don't want to attend meetings, see friends or really do anything other than work. What I concluded and she confirmed is that because for the past 3 years I have been in such an emotional state that all my energy went into just staying a float and to do that I needed support and meetings and any distraction I could come up with to survive. On top of this work was really slow and I had all this free time to spend with friends doing whatever.
When I took time off and stepped back I realized that I was spiritually drained and needed time alone. Now work has picked up and I am spending my energy dealing with customers and probleming solving. I don't have the energy for both and I have to take care of myself and that means right now working.
When I went home last night I was exhausted. I called ahead and picked up some food and went home. I was too tired to even watch TV so I turned on my favorite movie and prompty fell asleep. I woke up around midnight and got ready for bed. I am now back at work and will be here late today trying to meet my customers expectations.
So I am just and introvert that needs a lot of down time to recharge and since my customers are getting my energy I have nothing left for anyone else.