I was moved by an interview that Oprah did with Lisa Marie Presley about her relationship with Michael Jackson. It made me realize that it doesn't matter where you come from or how much money you have addiction still has the same effect on our lives.
She spoke about how special she felt when she was with him and when he let his guard down and let her in how she just wanted to stand there in that light and soak it in. But then the drugs would become more important and he would withdraw and leave her in the dark.
I understood what she meant and remembered how intoxicating it was to be in that light. I was special, I was a let in a part of an elite group. Sick attracting sick was really what it was all about. I needed for someone else to make me feel special because on my own I was nothing. I didn't have my own light so without theirs I was in the dark.
I could see it on her face even though it was 10 years ago the addiction to the addicted. We are the same lost and looking for something to fill the void left by whatever. Someone to save me to take me away from myself really. The voice in my head telling me that I was nothing if no one needed me.
I was surprised by the reaction I had to this interview and wondered if I could still get sucked in? I know I could, but it would be eyes wide open and no one to blame but myself.
I make my own light now and so that makes their light a little less bright.